EarthBound Sucks

I think it’s a joke

snipe him!

I’m fair sure it’s a joke. The bit about Sonic the Hedgehog kind of tips it.

Possibly, but it’s hard to say judging from his other reviews. His other ones seem similar but authentic.

I say he’s bashing it simply because it has a cult following.

But honestly, and I might get attacked for this, I don’t think EarthBound’s gameplay is all that great.

Regardless, though,I am a huge fan of the series, because as a whole (taking into acount the personality, story, music, et cetera) the games are awesome. I don’t see how that guy can possibly be serious with that review. (Plus, Mother 3 improved the gameplay a lot.)

Actually, I think you’ll probably find that you won’t get attacked for saying that. In all honesty, I agree and probably most people will agree too.

I do like the simplicity of it, though. I also like that it’s a little more complex than something like Dragon Warrior but not bogged down by some complicated character improvement system.

I can also understand why people don’t find the battles very exciting, especially people just playing the game now. But back then, enemies with super long names doing all kinds of crazy stuff was pure awesome. Before then, Nintendo RPGs were limited, enemies had like 7 letter names, spells lacked vowels, text read like fish poo.

I don’t know if I should laugh or laugh harder.

I’m not saying that Earthbound is perfect, but I would give it 5 stars. In a scale of 1 to 10 I would give it a 9.5.

That review is he-haw larious.

I wonder who the one person is who found it helpful.

Really… how old was that kid anyways?

It reminds me of the letters sent in by some teachers classrooms to get beavis and butthead canceled.

“You will be affected by the EB disease, your mind might reject this kind of disease.”

Sounds serious to me

Tonchiki: I’m certainly not planning to attack you. Earthbound’s gameplay was very basic even for 1995; what made the game special was its ambience and style, and the care taken with its tiny details.

I lol’d so hard at the sonic/secretaries bit.

My sister tried to play EarthBound a few times when we first bought it, but she lost interest due to the battle interface.

About the review: Ouch, but whatever. The right people will get it.

What a mediocre review! I personally would give EarthBound four stars because the battle interface could have been better and with more battle animations. Everything else in the game was great 🙂

EBM typed a WHOLE rant… but something was wrong with his computer.
EBM shall not retype it, but know it had to do with iTunes, Dragon Quest, The World Ends With You, Brawl, MOTHER, cats, shrimp puffs, sandwiches, and directions.
I’m not even lying.
But for your convenience, EBM will give a summary-
Reviewer is stupid, ignore it and it shall go away.

1) with the secretaries, I wonder if he played it.

2) It’s kinda hard to read…

What makes this a bad review is not the fact that he dislikes Earthbound, but rather the fact that his argument is so weak.

No, what makes this a bad review is that his writing is nonsensical and most of what he says isn’t even true. 😉

Most of the music is not original work? What?
Uh… How far did this guy get? The first dog?

What a wuss! The guy who wrote this review obviously never played the game completely!

I mean… come on! 7 “secretaries”? There were 8 Sanctuaries! There are remixes of BGM from EarthBound Zero and what proof did he had to say this game’s BGM is no original?

That guy is a loser.

How dare he called Starmen.Net suck! Did he had any idea how we had worked on to make sure the Earthbound series had his own fanbase?!

“CursedBound” eh? And wait, secretaries? What, does he think EarthBound is a patent office?

*sigh* this reminds me of my friend, who has the exact same opinion and worse.

7 Secretaries?

I like where this is going.

Uh-oh. Looks like I’m from the dark ages. D:

In my opinion he’s kind of right, and just enunciated what he thought badly.

Compared to other RPGs of the time, especially ones like FF3 that had engaging, funny translations that easily match EarthBound’s, the game doesn’t have a lot to offer beyond silly charm.

The graphics are simplistic and kinda gross. Nowhere in EarthBound is really beautiful, while there are beautiful places and scenes abound in other games of the time, excuse my pun.

I’m not sure I agree about the music being bad though; it certainly isn’t as epic in the vein of Nobuo Uematsu’s work in the Final Fantasy series, but it has an original and captivating style that speaks to the heart. If I may say so, I think most of the game’s appeal comes from the music and the written dialogue…

But it also comes from the appeal of being “different” than the generic rpg player. Most people still haven’t heard of EarthBound, yet if you mention Final Fantasy there’s a very good chance they’ll have played at least one game in that series. It’s easy to see the interest a fully fleshed out, unique yet “ignored” game might have on someone with a distaste for popular fandom.

Other than the music and some other funny bits of dialogue, I don’t think the game is that special… it’s definitely not something I could play 2 times every year for over 10 years, like some people. It’s not bad, but it’s not amazing or revolutionary either: it’s just a videogame, and one of those things people take to pretending they love more than the sun and stars because it gives them some sense of purpose and meaning.

Thanks and as always,
Semper Games.

*Uematsu Nobuo

obviously this guy is insane because anyone who disagrees with popular (erm, “underground”) opinion should be shot and hung and possibly raped too

not like eb? unheard of, help us all

Dang, sounds like you got the EB disease he was talking about

Call me when the review makes sense…

My father won’t play EarthBound, he tried it before, but I can’t get him to go through it. My brother almost finished it (you’ve gotta give him credit… he’s 9, and he finished EB0 first 😛 ) but he gave up right at the end. EarthBound can only be enjoyed by a chosen few.

I bought the game because of this review and was disappoitned at the lack of secretaries.

Nice.
I think this was my favorite review of EB. XD

He probably didn’t like it when the 1960s Batman used comic book style BAMs, either.

“Thanks to the magic of Ronald McDonald and fans of Deer Hunter…”

Also.

Earthbound has that silly charm, it’s got more “complete” worldbuilding in an unusual setting, the battle features are cool… but it still sorta follows the Dragon Warrior path of the formulaic “eight plot coupons for the Chosen One” JRPG.

But anyone who only sees this hasn’t played it to the end.

Itoi talked about this in interviews, about how you use a game to do the kind of art that would only work for a game. It’s the same thing that Alan Moore tried to do with Watchmen.

And if you’re one of the people who can enjoy the game enough to get to the ending – one of the people who the writing has succeeded in giving an emotional attachment to the characters – the game finally lands the sucker punch that it’s been setting up since the meteor in Onett.

That’s art at work, people. And that’s why EB is more than what it looks like to a person who just sees the JRPG formula in a “wacky” setting.

No crying until the ending.

Also also: does this blog software support an edit or delete button? Seeing something in a previous post that I wish I could change but can’t is like an unscratchable itch.

I can’t see a way this wouldn’t be a joke.

I am going to gouge this guy’s eyeballs out and replace them with life noodles.

*checks*

Ohh, this was the secretaries review! 😉 I did wonder.

Also, yeah, we’ve been lucky that the GameFAQs one hasn’t been around a while (I’ll politely request people don’t take it there TO bring it up, thanks), but I didn’t mind the review. I minded that he hadn’t played it through fully, and he did have an attitude problem at the time.

I mean I’ll give this guy credit — he seems to have reached the end at least. :p Could be worse.

Wheee, lots of replies!

Addressing the more obvious issue: I think there’s a little more than seven secretaries in Onett’s City Hall. (There really are secretaries in Onett – and Earthbound would have sold millions, MILLIONS!!!, if the marketing campaign focused on that: “A RPG with secretaries! And bureaucracy! And a city hall.”)

And I guess I’m the first one to comment on how when Peach kisses Mario, she really kisses him – not just “smooch”. I actually checked a screenshot (it’s here: http://www.vgmuseum.com/end/snes/a/supmaworld-2.gif).
I’ll let someone else make a comment that doesn’t sound indecent. (Good luck.)

HOLY SHIT HES RIGHT. DONT YOU REMEBER WHEN SONIC TALKED TO 7 DIFFERENT SECRETARIES THEN DEFEATED GIYGAS AND HEAVILY ARMED ROBOTNIK?! Well I don’t…and I grew up playing sonic. As EB goes it’s a fun game, sure it has its faults but at least put up a good argument like “Some of the best items in the game are left up to chance to get” I dunno something like that.

I would rate EB 8.4/10.

THIS IS STILL GOOD

If it had been eight, he’d have claimed it was ripping off Zelda.

Who the heck is “Halken?”

How is Earthbound a ripoff of Sonic? Is Poo’s Ruby simmilar to an emerald? Is Ness a werehog? No.

And I don’t remember any secretaries. Let alone 7 of them.

I wonder if I should write an anti-Halo review…

If you hate Halken, you hate a good deal of nintendo’s better games, i.e., nearly all the kirby games, the mother series, and the three super smash bros games

Halken is the former name of HAL.

That, along with the GameFAQs one (which I dug up a little while ago to go read and make fun of), are some of the most inaccurate reviews ever. Rip off of Sonic? Earthbound owns Sonic’s arse. And to top it all of, I HATEHATEHATE it when people compare the game to Chrono Trigger. My gosh, it’s two totally different games! Just ’cause Earthbound doesn’t have graphics that will make you so amazed you write a whole report on how good they are doesn’t mean they “suck”. Plus, the music is quite good. Everything just fits in with the location or situation. Whoever wrote either reviews, is a lame baby who doesn’t even know what a good game is, cause Earthbound, at the least, deserves four stars out of five or 8/10.

Maybe I’m just bitter…

Fail troll is fail.

Halken… which is now HAL…
You mean… the evil robot that kills astronauts?!

I was too distracted by “Seven Secretaries” to be angry about this crappy review. -laugh-

This could not possibly be real.

Seven secretaries? It’s like a two-years-old boy made this.

It’s so horribly bad, even I get the punchline.

I know this is a stupid and ignorant review and all, but it still made me angry. Earthbound is my favorite game ever, so whenever I hear the words “Earthbound” and “Suck” in the same sentence, I instantly get mad.

OH GOD NOT THE 7 SECRETARIES

I HIRED THEM HOW DARE THEY TURN ON ME, OH JESUS

I think this person is just some kid who grew up on Halo and Final Fantasy X.

Although, really you never get to learn the characters personalities, and the graphics weren’t the best. Int the story’s defense, every JRPG at that time had the 7 ______’s to save the world.

I literally foam at the mouth when people offend my favorite video game which, by the way, is one of The Most !!!AWESOME!!! games of !!!ALL TIME!!!

IT’S AWESOME! AWESOME! AWESOME! AWESOME! EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS GAME IS AWESOME, THE GRAPHICS ARE AWESOME, THE MUSIC IS AWESOME, !!!SHIGESATO ITOI IS AWESOME!!!

Besides, wasn’t it 8 secretaries?

SANCTUARIES. And yes.

This review make meh lol! x3

I’v only just started playing this game actually. Maybe only at the first boss….
I have to agree that the graphics arn’t the greatest, but then I don’t think graphics is what makes a good game.
Thanks to my brother, I already know most of the characters, and story, and I’ve seen the ending of the game. And just from that i’d very much like to continue playing it!
I can’t say i’m a major fan of the music though. Some of it is Really good! but a lot of it just doesn’t keep my interest.

So far I diffinently like Mother 3 Way better. <3
Already beat it once and am like half way threw it a second time!

(sorry for bad spelling) :3

This is just insulting, this guy has to die……..

I’ll get my Deathnote out

Secretaries.
Haha.

Lol this review was so bad, my left sock got the punchline 🙁

That review is NOTHING compared to this EB0 one:

http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/nes/review/R27808.html

HAHAHA SEVEN SECRETARIES!?

omg this guy must be like 6! since when did the music suck?

i am as old as this game and honestly (by my age group) i should hate these types of games. but earthbound and the whole mother series is the one of my favorite games of all time. although this is my personal opinion and anyone is entitled to their own opinion but this guy needs to fuck off!

the game shouldn’t be based on graphics or wording… it’s not fair. you should base it off of the game play such as the EIGHT SANCTUARIES (not 7 secretaries lol) this guy pisses me off in every inch of my body even though its probably a joke i dont care it still makes me mad that he judged the game before he even tried to actually play it and shit…

so yeah, sorry about the long review it just pushed my buttons..

oh wow, that guy is a douche and dick

the guy on hyperstar’s link revew thing called ninten ness? thas wierd.

This bad review is not even funny. :/ FAIL

Haha what a loser. He doens’t have a life.

Seven secretaries fanart

http://forum.starmen.net/forum/Fan/Forum/48651/page/68#post1251955

Uh… wow. The mother series has the best music in any video game I’ve ever played. this guy must really not have played the game.

By the way, the 6th Secretary is the hardest to get to.

People can hate the gameplay and graphics and story and whatever the hell they want, but don’t put down the soundtrack, which is quite honestly some of my favorite music ever written. I have it ripped and listen to it without ever even playing the game. Honestly, if Earthbound didn’t have the fantastic soundtrack it does, it would lose 3 or 4 points on a scale of 1 to 10.

The music makes this game for me. Fuck off if you don’t like it, you have no taste.

Talking of strange opinions of games, I know someone who had only these things to say about the game: “Not as good as Dragon Quest” but also “It’s just like Pokémon”. I think that was my favourite one.

It looks like a Square Enix fanboy. :Y

Square fanboys, ha

What the heck!?!?!

1-star actually has 12% on a site like this!?!?!

hehe, some of your comments sorta remind me of how some ppl criticize the graphics of music games.

All halken did was make the music for the game…

YOU MUST DIE!!!! PK GROUND OMEGA! WHAT THE

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM* *mushroom cloud appears*

YOU MUST DIE!!!! PK GROUND OMEGA! WHAT THE
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM mushroom cloud appears

Aidan thinks he does not mean it, maybe he is just not weawwy weady for Earthbound yet.

Liam… im trying to get people into this game and thats all i hear! ive been asking people if they knew it and they were like, “Ness? that guy from super smash bros?” and i hate it the most when they say, “Dude this is hella like pokemon. why not just play pokemon?” that pisses me off…

Oh shit! I rated it one star because I thought you were talking about the review! Then I saw it was about Earthbound! Please, don’t count one of the votes for 1 star and add an extra for 5 stars. I really love Earthbound. And about this review, it’s really ridiculous. Now, I can understand if you don’t like Earthbound, but come on people. A ripoff of Sonic the Hedgehog? Wtf!? If collecting melodies was somehow a ripoff of Sonic (which it’s definitely not), then Sonic is a ripoff of the Earthbound series because last I checked, you had to do the same thing in Mother 1/Earthbound Zero, which came out in Japan before Sonic the Hedgehog existed. To the guy who made this review, before you go out to bash a game, then at least do some research about it and the entire series first.

Lol, he thinks that EarthBound and EB are two different games!

okay who made this review is pin headed idiot i wanna kill him and im going to put something nasty in his Ass!!!

1 multimillion= -9999

Do the math:)

Guess what, I looked at his other reviews and people only agreed with ONE OF THEM!!! That 8-year-old’s a bunch of baloney.

someone go use PK Fax Omega on him

This game is like Godard; you either get it or you don’t.

Trolls are fun 😀

How funny! Spelling mistakes, calling it a rip off oh and my favourite you have to go to the “7 sectuarys”

Nuke time.

500000000000000000000000000 stars

Can we kill this guy? Please >:(

Woah. Some pretty cool rebels voted “1 star.” Those rebels do what they want. They don’t have to follow the crowd. They must be pretty cool.

My review of that review was half-true, half-joke. I’m not a Square hater. Just responding to the people who posted in my thread. It was partially meant to be a gag-review. Again: It was a gag/joke. I was bored.

As for my serious review, I’m half-hating it, half-laughing at it.

And as for why I’m not registered on the site yet, it’s because the email is taking too long to send.

To some people Mario is the greatest video game ever while to others Mario is a game that is all about jumping on enemies and saving the same princess over and over again. Mother is no different.

As stated many people are entitled to their opinions however from the poor grammer and punctuation of this review, I believe this was either a FSP fan who wrote this review or this is a hoax.

this is a damned fuckin 5 years old little worm
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU
ANDREW TAYLOR!!!!!

I would not take this review too seriously. If you ask me, this punk does not know enough about Earthbound or Sonic the Hedgehog (1991). Sonic the Hedgehog (the Sega Genesis version) had only six chaos emeralds. (Six, not seven. The other games had seven, but Sonic 1 had only six.) This game had eight sanctuaries. (There might have been seven secretaries, but they had nothing to do with the plot.) In addition there was more to Earthbound than the eight sanctuaries and Giygas. As for the music remark, it had a wide variety. More songs than other SNES games that I have played. Some of those songs are pretty good. (Giygas Heavy Metal/Pokey Means Business! for example) He could have at least use the game’s slogan for his “waste of cyberspace” excuse of a review. (It would show he did some research.) Either this guy does not know a masterpiece when he sees one or Moonside “fried his brain”.

Lolz,7 secretaries…seem like Ness got a big company to manage.As for music….what if I say all Classical Music are composed of piano,violin…etc,not original work? What a joke.

It never came to Europe. ;_;

But really Earthbound stinks (no pun intended)

do not judge a game by it ad

BSX kiss my ass
Cause Earthbound is a great game and you don’t have to shame it.

LEMME PK STARSTORM OMEGA HIM! NOW! STOP HOLDING ME DOWN!!!

Funny. I recommend that everyone play it but MOTHER3 is much better. Still Earthbound doesn’t deserve this kind of response. For someone to make something like this, even if it isn’t serious, is a very dickish thing to do. The level of dickery here is that of superman. super dickery.

What kind of mental disease do U have?I hope ness comes to your house a PK Rocken’s your ass to kingdom kong.Glad u have no life besides being a fag.

That was 2 the fag who wrote this review.

7 secretaries.
Hurhurhur.

Anyways, the people wigging out over this are being stupid.
Sure, it’s a wonderful game, but some people just can’t come to grasp the awesome that EarthBound is, and that’s that.
They’ll suffer from their review being laughed at and not taken seriously — isn’t that bad enough? 😉

…
Why yes, I did make an EB reference in that paragraph, it’s obligitory.

You know it’s a joke from how poorly informed the reviewer is. Call me the victim of trolling, but it almost pissed me off.

Thts guy sucks balls !!!!!!

Sorry, I meant to say this.

I’d have to go with it being real, not a joke. It was actually hard for mew to read, but he can have his opinions. In the end, i bet he was a stupid 12 year old that didn’t like games without gones. 🙂

It was dumb of him to compare EB to Sonic.

he’s making crap up for attention. I’m sorry that most of you can’t see that he’s BSing. Earthbound’s an average game and he knows it. He just… is not saying it. cause that doesn’t get the attention of rabid fanboys like you people. He’s probably read this stuff already and kicked back to enjoy it.

I should take it from him for free then 😉

But this one was also pretty good:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/snes/review/R125107.html
Heh, his gameplay arguments. He probably didn’t play that much. Paula can catch up pretty quickly, Jeff is a bit annoying to level-up, and Poo doesn’t start at level 1. I do agree that the all-red window is an eyesore (though I guess that was copied from Dragon Quest).
I can only remember one point you have to spend $180 to rest at a hotel to advance the story, and that isn’t much money at that point in the game.

Dang, according to this kid, I’ve had the EB disease for ten years now XD.

This kid is just a dope, probably saying all of this for shits and giggles. Or he was just bored out of his mind. Or even a mixture of both.

I did have the game on a ROM because of the non VC release. But then my computer got malware which, sadly, ended up in a format of the C drive. I lost the game and I was almost done(I was fighting Giygas). Although I did not get to complete the game, I loved it. Though I did get as far as that and when I get that far, I don’t like to play the game again. That’s just how I roll.

if you think earthbound sucks, then you suck even more

The kid is a jealous Square fanboy. Why is he jealous? Because Nintendo made better games than Square and is generally more popular than Square. So the boy took his fantard rage on Earthbound.

It’s the evil Fanboy Disease. This disease will cause redardedness, hentai, bad spelling, and a lack of an open mind. Usually spreads through preteens and Spax3 clones. The only cure is time. This disease may go away by luck, but rarely does so. See also, Weeaboo and Anime fangirls.

I give 5 stars to Earthbound.Because it has a simple gameplay and a great story.

I love Earthbound.
But mother 3 isn’t wacky as this game… *sigh*You can’t fight hippies*

i gave it a 4 becuase im currentky stuck on the 5 moles

7 secrataries? Hah the number wasn’t even right let alone “secrataries”. BTW That rating at the top left….is it what he gave the game or what people gave him?

Wow. That guy must have issues

Lol. This guy is a troll.

I’ve read reviews about this bad before (look up debbie schlussel’s review of Watchmen), but the Sonic the Hedgehog thing, and the 7 secretaries….I lol’d.

OMG GUYZ! I just realized he’s RIGHT!!!! SONIC DID HAVE SEVEN SECRETARIES!

Fuck all of you that hate earthbound I think it’s a bad ass game and should be on the ds and virtual console

… you are kidding right? This is a great game and! Those who hate Earthbound fuck yourself right at their asses! PKSTARMAN out.

I don’t think he was joking when he wrote this review. I looked at his other reviews. He was also bashing Harvest Moon for SNES. Basically he seems like a “it sucks because I said so” kind of guy. But if he likes it, then it’s an almighty game. Nonetheless, this review was definitely good for a laugh. “Go see the seven secretaries!”

I was laughing in tears when it said it was ripping off Sonic The Hedgehog XD

This review is so bad
I like it XD

LOL’d at the review. I mean, he wasn’t very subtle at his trolling.
I love Earthbound. Some days ago, i finished it. And it really left a huge mark on my mind. Heck, when i first saw Giygas battling, i had a nightmare that day (mind makes it worse).

TL;DR: Cool story troll

This guy seems to be obsessed with Square. Seems like a fanboy.

Still so bad its good.

If there is such a “EB disease”, it made my life much better than before. And it is highly contagious.

Things like these make me angry. It also saddens me to know that people like this roam the internet.

Seems to be a prank. No professional review would throw around such ridiculous accusations.

With that said, this is the best review ever written. XD

I really hope this guy isn’t this stupid. Otherwise my assault rifle will get angry.

The funniest thing is, I grew up on PS2 games and thought for the life of me Nintendo was my cousin’s N64 Super Smash Bros and Maro games(which I hated) yet despte this I became a fan of a game most Nintendo Fans have trouble fully understandng and appreciating (sorry if misspell).

If the guy doesnt like Earthbound I can understand, I hate caviar, many people have trouble seeing things from differant viewpoints wthout thinking about it.

2 things:
1. if you rate it 3 or lower, get out of here.
2. remember tht old saying, “if you have something bad to say, say nothing at all”?
Nuff said

I feel like stabbing this!
HOW DARE HE SAY EARTHBOUND SUCKS!!!!!!

Whoa, calm down there, guys. People are allowed to have their own opinions.

Also, stop feeding the trolls. *facepalm*

What a f***ing loser,I don’t even think this guy ever played EarthBound, it has got to be one of the best games ever, and this coming from a guy who hated RPGs until I played EarthBound (and Chrono Trigger as well…) And here’s my bottom line, this guy totally needs to get laid LOL 😀 Also,Starmen.net a “sucky” sit PUH-LEASE, and what kind of insult is “CursedBound?”

And just like that, his intternet rep just went to -21.

Why did he do this again? And only good music? EARGH! I’m so mad at this. Chrono isn’t better than EB.

Oh well, it’s not me atleast 😛

The seven secerataries?Wow…

I’m tempted to vote for “2 stars”, simply because it’s the least voted option in the poll. I like to stand up for the oppressed minorities in polls of all kinds 🙁

Earthbound for Virtual Console will be almost impossible! Just get the cartridge or rom and emulator required. It’s that easy! About Earthbound 64: That should be on Virtual Console!

That review makes me wonder if that guy actually PLAYED the game.

I think this guy is just joking

He a freaking moron. know how to say oron in japanese?

BAKA!!!

He is a FREAKING MORON. KNOW HOW TO SAY MORON IN JAPANESE? it is BAKA!!!

Please someone snipe this Moron!!
誰かを喜ばせてくださいこのばかを狙撃してください!!

I read his other reviews, this guy is a FREAKIN’ JOKE, he thinks that (crappy) racing games are good, but he considers (even better) games like Harvest Moon and EarthBound BAD!! Somebody give me a knife, I need to rid the world of an amateur clown… Also, I think that either a) this guy was paid to do his reviews or b) he’s never played EB and just made this up. P.S. This guy’s a pervert, he thinks the bar-girl in Harvest Moon is “sexy”

good thing i have the yo yo from the AwesomeNess combo pack thing…

how to say dumbass/asshole/asshead in Japanese? BAKAYARO! BAKABAKABKAKBAKAYAAROOOO!

whoever voted one star needs punched in the face >_< Just like the guy who made this review, although it was funny.

*Gets Nuke Launcher ready* I’ll give you the count of three to change your mind, Andrew Taylor.

One… Two… Two point nine…

EarthBound doesn’t suck, but Andrew Taylor does…

gunna tame this freak with my Earth Bounder yo yo as id he was a Skate Punk

Guys, if you think this review was bad, you should have seen this one online review of Super Smash Bros that accused the entire game of being made by “a bunch of chinks” designed to brainwash American children into being Chinese.

Y’know, despite the game being from Japan. …And the reviewer being a ridiculous racist who said nothing about the game itself.

If you want a HILARIOUS review, go find that one.

A similar thing happened during an IRC chat a few minutes ago. I had to disconnect to prevent my brain from melting.

hes just mad because he couldnt beat the first ”secretarie’s” boss

this is hilarious… I wonder if he hates the super smash bros. games since he think halken doesn’t make good games.

Who writes a review like that. I mean everyone is entitled to their own opinion but the review was so poorly written I couldn’t take it seriously.

what the heck is his issue with the game? is he like my sister, who hates it because I like it?

seven secretaries?
I raged.

This guy obviously doesn’t have good taste in videogames.

^ Agreed 1000%

I don’t know how some persons just can’t understand the beauty of MOTHER series. *-*

i grew up playing sonic (one of my favorite video games) but earthbound reallly caught my eye but that taylor guy has to go i bet he hasnt even played the game

but i actually love earthbound

lol’d SO HARD at “seven secretaries”. since when was giygas a businessman? and how they say the only good things are the music and the graphics, and then say they suck.

HA!
secrataries?

first off the original sonic had only six chaos emeralds not seven and there eight sanctuaries any way !
second its not secrataries it’s sanctuaries .
third I don’t think Earthbound has anything to to with a fat guy taking animals and putting them into Badniks as batteries does it ?

this game sucks -.- go to play Chrono Trigger (my first rpg) robotrek, bahamut lagoon (only in japanese, but there is a english translation rom in the internet) zelda (I did not liked that much zelda from SNES through) terranigma, illusion of gaia, soul blazer, lufia II (lufia I sucks -.-) secret of mana II (secret of mana 1 is not that bad, but I dont recommend it) super mario rpg, paper mario, every pokemon game XD, tenchi muyou! game hen, etc

@Anonymous GET…OFF…THIS…SITE…NOW!!!!!!! >:(

ninji why don’t you use your nerd rage to do something productive? like an art project or something.

Seriously, I think that’s probably why your comments always had to be moderated before, Ninji.

Internet trolls are annoying, but some of them are funny at best.

Really.
Most of the resons are just nit pickey.
When he says it rips off Sonic I just geet the feeling that he knows nothing about the game that came before it.
My last remark is that he hates Halken/HAL Labs.
HAL made the whole smash bros series Kirby Starfy and many other great games. This is so fake

Earthbound is like a cup of Starbucks coffee, some people like it and some don’t. I don’t like to compare games to other games because they are all different and not alike in anyway. Comparing sonic to Earthbound is comparing pickles to turnips. It’s completely useless. I believe that this person never saw the deeper meaning in the game, the moral.
Wait a second……

HOW DARE HE INSULT TANAKA-SAN, SUZUKI-SAN, and ITOI-SAN!!!!!! >,< PK STARSTORM!!!

My hypothesis is that this man had too much Magic Cake.

its a troll, trust me,

the dude was talking about it on some site named 4chan, Most people do not go there, unless you are liking strange shit

*ka-chack* bambambambambam

If this was real, not a joke, he obviously never actually played the game, by the way he described it. If it is a joke, why exactly would he go through the trouble?

I know it’s been said before. but I feel nobody deserves the right to rate earthbound till they’ve seen everything from Ness waking up in his bed, to reading the letter that picky gives you at the end.

i can has kill him?

Kill that matha @#$%a!!!!!!

Okay here’s my theory. This CT obsessed nerd’s parents took away CT from him so he begged his parents (being the spoiled rotten child he is)to buy him a new game. Earthbound was the only game left so he bought it. He played it kinda liked it. BUT when he got to Giygas he was freaked out.

Where does he live?!
Can I kill him?

@Anonymous
Chrono Trigger is better, I can’t say NO to that but… Man, this is a MOTHER series related forum site, beach! (I said beach cause it sounds like the real word I wanted to say)

Andrew Taylor must DIE. And he must eat a lot of octorocks. And lotsa spaghetti. Then, his ship should sail tomorrow, and he should wonder whats for dinner.

STAB HIM WITH A GUN MADE OF CHICKEN!!!

GAH!!!

*looks for bottle rockets*

Who the F is Venus?

Casey Venus is that singer in fourside i think that has the blond hair and black dress.

@Casey
Play Earthbound. When you get past the monkey caves you’ll find out.
THIS REVIEW IS SO FAKE!
He’s never played Earthbound. It’s obviously a mock review because he thinks there should be at least 1 bad review.

I think ANDREW TAYLOR is An 8 YEAR OLD NUTCASE!

This is a JOKE guys! Why does this have to go soooooo long.Anyways, don’t listen to this troll.

Wow, just when I thought I’d seen all the internet has to offer in regards to displays of lower intellect… Truly, it never ceases to amaze.

I voted EarthBound 4 stars. It’s OK, but there are times where it really tempts you to tear your hair out in anger. Like Giygas. Or Ness’ Nightmare.

I give this review one star.

7 secretairies??? There’s more that the 8 sanctuaries and giygas how about defeating pokey?? Meeting the mr.saturns?? Lame review also ceirtaint games like earthbound is a game where graphics don’t matter

Lol at “seven secretaries”Lol its sanctuarys kid.

Yeah, this is clearly a joke review.

I don’t know what’s worse, this “review”, or the obvious trolls making ineffectual and slightly disturbing death threats to some moron they’ll never even know in person. We get it, guys, the guy’s a douche, no reason to act like some uneducated, kill-happy barbarians. Just stop. For those of you making readable and logical arguments in a calm manner, however, continue with your debate.

Things like these cause me to lose faith in the human race.

Man he sucks…

He is wrong about ripping off sonic, because the 8 melodies requirement thing when on during mother 1, which is probably before sonic was even out. And the music was awesome in this game, who heard of a snes being able to play rock music for the first phase of the final boss?

This guy has big issues! what a loser. EB is my favorite game

While some of these replies may be a little immature and childish,

the results be way worse if the kid did a 1 star review towards chrono trigger or Final fantasy III.

Sincerely, That’s the best review I have seen in the world! *sarcasm*

Really, what happened with that guy, was he high or something?

…this man is balls.
make note, kiddles…next time you review a game, PLAY THE GOSH DARN THING FIRST, BEGINNING TO END, AND PAY ATTENTION.
p.s. this game has somma the greatest music in a video game, and an amazing story, too.

this man SHOULD be raped

The Mother Series does seem to give off a disease, like Porky himself made it. Of course, ho couldn’t forget his master, or his humble beginning. Not even his Wretched Good ol’ Buddy, Ness. It seems to brainwash people, an Addiction, if you will.

#1 original sonic ripoff?
#2 super mario world = bad?
#3 its not easy on the eyes(ex: no paragraphs)
#4 the reveiw was made in 2003 for god sakes!

In conclusion I declare this photoshopped, errr fake! :p

Why do people insist on making a big deal out of troll reviews for EB? That’s exactly what the troll wants. If you hate it so much, ignore it.

But more than that, it’s disgusting that some of you would wish death on someone because their opinion differs from yours*. What the hell is wrong with you people?

*You can draw the parallels yourself.

I wonder what that number next to his name is. Maybe it’s his age…

And I’d consider all of you fanboys, myself included =D

wth? 7 secretaries?? what does that have to do with earthbound at all??

He probably meant sanctuaries… even though there are 8 sanctuaries…
Hurray for complaining about something without getting the facts right.

now there are 8 sins saying that earthbound
is stupid!

Either that person truly have some Problem and only played the game at Fourside while someone explained the seeking plot, or either we’ve been all trolled.

As someone who barely read the whole game, I’d say It’s was pretty boring at first, but then came Threed, the Happy Happist and various enemies that made me love earthbound.

Theory:

He only got to the seventh secretar- SANCTUARY… and then tried desperately to progress the plot because his precious [every other JRPG every] had seven shards of the Holy MacGuffin instead of eight and he didn’t pay attention when everybody mentioned the next secre- SANCTUARY and thought that the game was so crappy that the artists accidentally made a useless eighth slot thingy in the sound stone and then never bothered to take it out.

Either that or the more popular theory; He’s just stupid. Probably more likely ;D

he must DIE!!!!!!!!! Earthbound is a wonderful game, because of it’s oddities and strangeness. It’s a way to get away from boring old reality, while not going into either bloody games, or the old fantasy where every thing is miserable, the king is replace by and evil force, Ect. the world needs more games like earthbound.

Andrew Taylor cannot grasp the true form of Earthbound!

“CursedBound”… I wonder how long it took him to come up with that one.

omg
lol
i understand that not everyone loves rpg games
but this is a VERY FUNNY hahahhaa
i started to cry from laughter , story is a sonic the the hedge hog rip off 😀 ahahahhahaah
i always love this reviews and comments its really makes that person look stupid
but poor Andrew Taylor ……. he cannot grasp the true fun of earthbound

last i saw earthbound it had 8 “secretaries” and wasn’t a platformer

Yeah, for those of you who think that it could be a joke; don’t be so sure.

I hear stories all the time of kids who’s first consoles where made after the N64 outright REFUSE to acknowledge SNES games as good.

Heck, I know anime fans (scratch that; out-and-out weeaboos) who honestly think that anime didn’t become good until Naruto and Bleach. And they seriously mean it.

i think that kid is a troll

God, some stupid couple decided to let their little 7-year old kid go on the internet and write a review. How saddening.

…the 7 Secretaries? A rip-off of Sonic?! That really just shows that he’s another one of those people that never played past Onett.

This review made me forget that Earthbound had 8 SANCTUARIES I had to play Earthbound to remember.

I say this: Graphics don’t make a game. Now go play your FF13

1 out of 26 people was having a really bad day, and found the comedic value of this review very helpful 🙂

And yes, graphics NEVER make a game. Final Fantasy III(SNES, not DS) absolutely obliterates Final Fantasy XIII, and the characters look like deformed LEGO people.

And if ‘The Bad’ is where it gets interesting, then how is the game BAD at all?

‘Gasp,’ Earthbound does not suck!!!! Secrataries?? Get your facts right! This game is awesome!!! Earthbound and Crash bandicoot rules!!!(Heh.. I never mentioned I am a Crash bandicoot fan too.) 🙂

This guy can burn in Chrono Trigger hell

How does having to find 8 melodies for a sound stone to enter into your inner soul in order to gain the power of the Earth, which is necessary to defeat a red swirling fetus have ANYTHING to do with blue hedgehogs spin-dashing through robots?!

lolomgroflusoxurs -insert unintelligible dialogue here-

Yes this review was fail but try to make these responses seem intelligent at least.

I think EarthBound with 7 secretaries would be awesome though 😛

You know, it helps if you play the game before complaining about it.

Honestly, If this guy wants emotion, he should go play MOTHER 3!

it would be funny if it weren’t so sad.

I think that number next to his name is his IQ.

I really like the article picture 🙂

But seriously, yeah, this guy is a 5 year old with brain disorders and an IQ of 0.001.

Here’s My Reveiw:
Sound 10/10
Graphics 7/10
Gameplay 10/10
Story 10/10
Overall 9/10

Also That Guy Makes Me Sick.

@Kirby Phelps
How about: “Earthbound kicks ass, but CoD sucks”?

I hate when people put these bad reviews of good games, and secrataries? Either way haters gonnuh hate, trollers gonnuh troll, and you know the step toward peace on earth, is just one Smaaaaash in their’ face away….oh and you gottuh defeat Giygas, and porky, and the evil man int he mask, and the worst of all the enemies… the photographer man! [insert {1} “dun duun duun” here] (I never remembered the name of that guy)

I Don’t mind negative people, but when they rub it in my face, THAT’s where I DRAW THE LINE!!!

——————————-

lol

1 person found this review helpfull? That’s one too many.

Come on man.What did EarthBound do to you,huh? =(

May Giygas haunt him forever….

I like Earthbound a lot, but there is some downsides, for one you can’t run(eh not a big deal,really) the battle system could be better(since it was a old game it’s alright I geuss),I wish Ness talked but the player could figure what hes saying so it’s good,and the graphics,frankly this game isn’t based on freakin graphics,if you don’t play this game JUST BECAUSE OF GRAPHICS,your missing out on one of the best games in history for a dumb picky reason -_-

Actually, I think you’re right MarioMarioEB.

If EB had better graphics, it probably would have sold hundreds of thousands more. At that time, EB was competing with 3d games like DK country

Wow, he’s probably the first non final fantasy fan to hate EarthBound. And if there is a EB disease than I WANT IT 😀

His review kind of makes me mad. Sonic the hedgehog ripped off earthbound. And Itoi is WAY better and making games than that guy.and how dare he insults Starmen.net. And the graphics to MS are WAY more NESish than earthbound and it’s for the GBA (not gameboy) And if EB sucks so much than perhaps you can explain to us how it ranks #1 Nintendo game? And what’s wrong with Starmen.net bang dedicated to EB. And the game took 5 years to make. Just go wate away with SMW. RadicOmega out

P.s. Square would make the game suck. RadicOmega out! Again!

P.s. How does EarthBound rip off SOnic. My other post I made it sound like it did, sorry. Well it doesn’t. But how the heck can EB rip off sonic. Last time i checked Ness is a 12-13 year old human boy. not a blue hedgehog that runs at the speed of light

this guy just insulted so many people

This review=Hilarious

Oh yeah, i totally got the EB Disease, everything including random trees are attacking me, there are trippy backgrounds everywhere, and for some reason there is a fat Cartman-like kid stalking me.

And I just noticed what are 148 people doing on this site. This is why I get mad at you FF fans.

To be mostly honest, I think I only like earthbound because it’s the prequel of Mother 3 (the greatest game ever, in my opinion) I love Mother 1, too. Also earthbound created: the octobot!

Really I can’t decide which Mother game I like the most. All three can’t be beat

Was this written by a child? It’s just so poorly written it seems as it would be.

@Onett Resident, Yep, who is 7! 😀

Am I the only one who thinks “girls” when the 7 secretaries was mentioned? Somebody should make an earthbound hack of that, actually! It be like “You play as the 11 year old boy who get’s a call from a space bug to go kill some hot secretaries. You go through many places at super speed while collecting rings. On your journey you find a girl about your (Ness’s) age, a university student, and the most kick ass kid you’ll ever meet. You’ll meet many characters, too. Such as a square, a winy kid, and a blue hedgehog just to name a few. And yes, there will be Octobots. Sometime you’ll catch the EB disease. This will cause you to think of earthbound stuff (it’s not that bad if you think about it.) Together you’ll go fight Giygas and the king of the assholes: Porky Minch. Can you do it?” God that’d be weird, but interesting.

But back on topic I would say that this kid probably never played the game, and just wanted to start a war. I give the game a 9.9 out of 10. The game shows that anybody, no matter how old, can be a hero. If you read the whole comment then have this hamburger I found in the garbage can. =D

@OctobotFire, uhhh, oookaay, sounds fine to me though.

And also can I have a hamburger OctoBotFire? 😉 😀

@radicomega sure! I’d hurry though. A unassuming local guy looks hungry

Hope you live near Michigan then! 🙂

whoa. are u kidding me? EB has aliens, rabid moles, and 4 kids whupping their asses. this guy has never played EB or Sonic.

Ya know, this reminds me of that classic post on Starmen.net! 😀

I would personally give EarthBound a 4 out of 5 now that I’ve played MOTHER 3- That and the choppiness of the NOA’s translation of it..

By the way, Mato, I think you and the team are better at translating than anyone at Nintendo. ANYONE.

Definently a joke. 7 secretaries? Uh, there’s 8 and they’re sanctuaries. it doesn’t really seem serious.

7 secretaries sonic WTF
Ho is this guy
but… what a jerk
YOU MUST DIE
PK Starstorm Omega
I hate you…

This guy never complete the game and now is a troll.

LMAO “Visit the seven secretaries?!”

“I couldn’t tell what Venus was smacking him with!” lmao lmao lmao

wow this guy is kinda funny

7 secretaries?… Hmmm…. Looking at chicks makes me happy.

( laughs like mark hamill’s joker for a few hours) 7 secretaries???? a second grader could spell that better. and 7???? it’s 8! i think a angry three year old got on his mommys work computer.

An Earthbound Hater and its cohorts blocked the way
Ace of technology use PSI Rockin omega
890 damage to all Earthbound Haters
Earthbound Haters you PSI Earthbound sucks.
Ace of Technology’s PSI shield made the enemy’s attack Vanish!
Ace of Technology use PSI Starstorm Omega.
500 damage to all Earthbound Haters.
Earthbound Haters Whined a.k.a wasted a turn!
Ace of Technology attacks, SMASH! Over 9,000 damage to all Earthbound Haters. The Earthbound Haters were taught a lesson. YOU WON! Earthbound Fans gained 159 exp.

If I were offered Earthbound for free, I would take it, no questions asked.

This guy can jump in and go to hell where Gyagas will be waiting for him

like my name says anyway a ripoff of sonic? U MUST BE KIDDIN ME has anyone wacthed an Anime called Dragon Ball?well that was made on 1989 so that means the chaos emerald is a ripoff of dragon balls(if u never wacthed then i will explain there were 7 dragon ball and when u got 7 of them then a dragon came and u maked a wish)and yes that how the chaos emerald existed that it?no there more then the sequel Came called Dragon Ball Z and On Namek Saga Goku turned into a Super Saiyan And his hair turned Gold (another ripoff that Sega Maded) ok so Goku Turned Super Saiyan in 1991 and Sonic Turned Super Sonic In 1992 Wow how Original something more Sega Maded an Sonic Anime Called Sonic X wow the name sounds really original doesnt it?so what is the ripoff now huh?anyway the 8 melody has nothing to do with Chaos Emerald Or Dragon Balls but it have something to do with link awakening but EB0 Came first so Link Awakening was a ripoff but good game EarthBound is a great game And Chrono Triggers is a Great Game Too But u cant Compare Both cuz both are equal but seriously square fanboy are annoying EarthBound Is My Favorite Game Of all times

Also Ignore That Fag he is an kid

LOL and Seven Secretaries? What Kind of game he played and Visit?i thought it was 8 Melody

Well I never Beated the game but i still love it

@EarthBound Is Awsome Fag, THANK YOU!! someone else knows that Sonic ripped off that anime.

Who rated it 1 star on a website dedicated to the game and for the fans?

Seemed like another whiny person, but when I read the bit about starmen.net….

ALL MIGHTY IDIOT!

To be fair though, people can dislike EB, I know because I really don’t like Mother 3 as much as 1 and 2

for the people how hate earthbound i HATE YOU earthbound to me is a gerat game and im not the only one how thinks so

why does everyone hate earthbound and nintendo of amrica fire howevery made the selogen this game stinks beacaus it does’it.

I’m going to give all of you 3 resens why earthbound is a good game 1.it’s awsome 2.it’s awsome 3.IT’S FU ING AWSOME.

@Earthbound Is Awsome Fag relax like many of us here it just a joke it almost got me but not everyone love it and we are cool with that unless he think cod is better and all but he REALLY got you

anyway im suprised he didnt complain about the story whining that it not serious if u want something like that play mother 1

@earthbound 289

Tone it down, buddy. This is an Earthbound fansite, there’s gotta be someone that thinks the same. And don’t hate people that don’t like the same game as you, that’s just plain ridiculous.

“I wish Square did this game, then it would rock! *But Halken did it, so it sucks*”

This line…I laughed out loud so hard.

Earthbound is as comparable to Chrono Trigger as business men are to dart frogs.

@MarkNES

Earthbound 64 wasn’t finished, so it can’t be. If there ever will be Mother 1+2+3, maybe the demo will be available as an extra.

Earthbound What?…Is a Troll? =(

-_-

Quite honestly Earthbound is one of the best games Ive ever played. The music is awesome and so is the story. And really, I don’t mind the graphics. Graphics, for me, aren’t what make a good game. Earthbound made me lol. It made me think, “what the heck?!” And, at the bittersweet ending, it made me cry. Yes, Earthbound made me cry.

This is one of the most overrated and horrible games ever. There is no reason to defend it, as the game is one of the worst cult followed game ever. Everyone praises the story, though really, is it at all good? No. The locations and settings that many people who play RPGS enjoy are absent in this game. Same design caves, lackluster towns, poor quality music to set the scene. The characters are about as developed as their awful graphics. They might as well be called character 1, 2, 3, and 4. The battle system is horrible and annoying. Come on guys, stop upholding a mediocre game ( at best) as one of the greatest.

^ Did you seriously make an account here just to bash EarthBound? Your account name really shows. Go back to playing Call of Duty in your mom’s basement.

Ignore the trolls, please.

@PsiPaula4 Call of Duty is not a terrible game….

So many trolls! So many troll-feeders! Oh my god this is effing funny!

What are you talking about, there’s only one troll, Earth Bound Sucks.

lol Earth Bound sucks looked up an Earthbound fansite. Do you honestly think he feels that way?

I SAID IGNORE THE TROLLS, PLEASE.

Eh, He’s Jealous 🙂

I dunno what to do hear, laugh, or just leave and ignore a troll…I’M SO CONFLICTED D:

i need to find that person, stalk him until hes alone, snipe him with tranquilizers, then drag him to an old abandoned mine so i may do unpleasant things to him, such as rip all but his underwear off and hang him on a flag pole, smother him in spam, then force him to kneel on salted rice. then when night comes….well, i won’t talk about that….

Is this a troll?

This guy’s a dumba** for putting this review. Not only did he insult Itoi, but ALL OF US! It’s a stinkin’ game! Well, how about this, Chrono Trigger has a HUGE fan base, well, they have a sucky site.

Seriously, this guy ticks me off.

By “stinkin’ game”, I meant game, not a bad game.

lol

Me: Andrew Taylor died the day after he gave this review.
Kumatora: Hehehe… Isn’t PK Ground the best… hehe…

Just played through this game…

some of the humor was pretty good but overall I have to agree with Earth Bound Sucks. It really is overhyped and I was very disappointed. I understand you guys like the game so that’s cool if you disagree. You all should give more modern and better games a chance

“It really is overhyped and I was very disappointed.”

Then you are guilty of letting outside forces dictate your enjoyment of something that should never have entered into it.

That’s called “bias”, and it completely shatters any credibility that any otherwise decent argument might ever have had.

And really? You’re agreeing to someone who typed their name as “Earth Bound Sucks”?

Well, I think that pretty much clears up two things. 1. Anyone who signs into this site with that name is the most obvious troll in all of history and 2. You are him, reposting, and pretending to be him in order to make it look like more people support a blatant troll.

A life. Please go get one.

This review sounds rather kiddie to me…

Lol at you guys
YOU FED THE TROLL

+1 for Pigmask No. 725886

^ +2

Earth Bound is the 4th worst game ever. There is a reason it had horrible sales. Play Call of Duty instead

Hey Mr. Earth Bound Is The 4th Worst Game Ever… GET OFF of this site.

And no, I love EarthBound. I’m talking to someone named “Earth Bound Is The 4th Worst Game Ever.”

@Earth Bound Is The 4th Worst Game Ever I would rather play a unique, awesome RPG than a bland cash-in of an FPS. Can’t blame by it sales.

The only reason that the fight scenes weren’t amazing is because the SNES console was releasing child friendly sensored games at that time which is why the most of us were playing the good old sega genesis where the game ratings all begun.. Nintendo was meant to be a more suitable platform for parents whom wanted their children to grow up without violence… Sega has become the Xbox of our day :S check out the remote evolution from sega to Xbox on YouTube.. I’m sad that sega management was not able to save it as a console 🙁

Also pokemon totally ripped off EB!! Damn them!

wtf tis gam suks it totally ripped of final fantsy 13 bcause it has exp and mana and final fansy 13 did it furst so this gam suks and u r all fags wif no life.

Giygas is eating lotsa spaghetti with Mama Luigi, an octorok, and Weegee.

Your argument is invalid.

i find it funny how people say that 12 year olds are doing the review, IM 12 and i am a HUGE nintendo nerd the mother/earthbound series is my top favorite nintendo games along with zelda :p but yea, I HATE cod and halo and other stuff like that it makes me go bleh, like what the hell is the point?