Tips for Buying EarthBound

December 1st, 2012 | EarthBound

The other day I posted a rough screenplay version of EarthBound penned by Seth – see here.

He’s since made some updates and sent me this:

Hello again, thanks to the wonderful feedback I’ve recieved from the EarthBound Central community, I have been able to finnish the Second Draft of my EarthBound Screenplay faster than I previously expected.

It’s still a draft, but I feel it to be MUCH better than the previous draft. The pacing has been improved greatly (it’s 10-12 minutes longer), scenes have been added that answer important questions, The dialogue has been greater tunes (especially Ness’s), Unfortunately, Captain Strong’s scene had to be canned, but it opened up too many problems.

To everyone who gave me feedback, THANK YOU.
To anyone who visited my site, THANK YOU
To anyone who even just READ my screenplay… THANK YOU.

You can see the latest draft here:

He also goes on to say:

As my Subject states, I’m germinating the concept of an EarthBound fanfilm. But it’s NOT based off this screenplay.

It’s a prequel, a prequel to the entire MOTHER series. It would tell the story of George and Maria and how they would come to raise Giygas. It would take place in 1908 and evoke the same cultural simplicity as “Oklahoma!”. (they both take place during the SAME YEAR)

Since there is only just a small kernel of backstory regarding George’s story, I’m having to take much artistic liscence, but It’ll still have that brand of quirkiness that sticks out in the games, most of them “unintentional” references to modern society.

Unlike most films which have THREE Acts, the fanfilm would have only TWO Acts. (much like a stageplay)

It’s called EarthBound Origins, and I hope to one day see this concept come into fruition. I live in Northeast Florida, a location that has a history of filmmaking that predates Hollywood by two years.

I also plan to keep the fan community updated about this project’s development as well.

My website can be found here. I can be contacted there too.

It was pretty cool seeing EB Central readers provide actual, detailed, constructive criticism and then seeing Seth use it constructively himself. And it’s always cool to see aspiring filmmakers working on EarthBound stuff :D

 

Other Related Posts:

 

46 Comments to EarthBound Screenplay Draft 2 & Fan Film Idea


gwalms said on Dec. 1, 2012

I’m gonna assume this update was BECAUSE of my comment earlier. :P

MrMoarplz said on Dec. 1, 2012

Ness should not say a single word. He is the character the audience is going to relate to. It would be awkward, but it would be hilarious. Super Smash Bros made Ness talk and it sounds awful.

Ami-chan said on Dec. 1, 2012

i really like this script.

Apple Kid said on Dec. 1, 2012

I must say, it seemed to barely change. I highly, highly recommend to completely remove your EB0 references. And when they are talking to “Lloyd” why would he randomly say, “Oh, hi Jeff’s friends, did you know he wets the bed.” Like I have already stated, this is extremely bland and actionless for a screenplay. And, the only reason I ask you to remove EB0 references is because it is physically/mentally /whatever you want to call it impossible for Ken and Ana to have Ness at such a young age (not to mention you said “I’m smoothing out my EB0 references…”). Otherwise I just don’t feel it changed enough from the last draft. Plus it actually feels 10-15 minutes shorter. I’m going to stick with my D-. I can’t bump it any higher until the draft changes/improves.

Apple Kid said on Dec. 1, 2012

Bate to double post, but I just read what you really said about the EB0 references. So disregard what I said about them (although I still wish they were gone, but that’s just me). So yeah, your new grade is a C-, okay?

Chris said on Dec. 1, 2012

@MrMoarplz

Nobody relates to people who don’t talk.

Seriously though, the silent protagonist thing is for a different medium, and for the most part I think it needs to quietly disappear. That is unless we’re talking about Dead Space and a once quiet character begins talking like a six year old that just learned the word “Fuck.”

Blue Toad said on Dec. 1, 2012

I love it how Ness’s last name is Sandhop like the MOTHER 1 translator.

Apple Kid said on Dec. 1, 2012

Sorry to post again, but I really thought hard about it and well… I’m gonna have to say your real, etched in stone, new grade is now a D. Sorry to do this, but I have no choice. The only new thing in this draft was clarifying the Ana, Lloyd, and Ken situation (which is totally optional and quite weak if you ask me). Not to mention very few things changed from last draft, except the Captain Strong removal (which makes the movie revolve more around teenagers who occasionally use psychic powers, instead of teens with psychic powers). However, if you explain the lack of Captain Strong with reasonable explanations I can give you a D+.

Eunacis (Seth Campbell) said on Dec. 1, 2012

@Apple Kid

That was the first thing I axed since even with the aliens and dinosaurs, an audience’s suspension of disbelief would never accept Captain Strong and the Mayor’s scheme as anything short of the stupidest plan ever and the quickest route to a jail cell themselves.

My biggest problem is still pacing and, more importantly, MOTIVATION. I really need to work on that.

The EB0 connections are there to serve a double purpose, to both serve the fanboys a bit of dessert, and to also both explain Ana and Lloyd’s acceptance of their children’s adventure and to provide sufficient buildup of Giygas.

This was also achieved with the pyramid scene rewrite. Giygas is now given improved setup as friggin’ scary.

The allusions to destiny have been fine tuned. And are sprinkled among the narrative, serving as a driving force to keep the characters seeking their goal.

I also specified that the events in EB0 now take place in the summer of ’69 (Brian Adams joke).

@MrMoarplz
@Chris

Yeah, he talks, but since he had no voice in the game, I’m having to make it up as I go, and giving a voice to a silent protagonist is the hardest writing struggle I have ever had.

I was origionaly going to add a flashback scene where Ness travels back Chamber of Secrets style to the Podunk Times in 1908, but it was so out of left field that it was unfeasable. But since I had allready spent a whole day doing nothing but research the time period, I decided to create EarthBound Origins.

I’m also thinking of any places I can add another action scene, and expand the others, making them more enjoyable. An actual fight with Heavilly Armed Pokey is a MUST.

I hope this clarifies a few issues, and I look foreward to answering to more of your inquiries.

JesusLovesNess said on Dec. 1, 2012

Seth,
Have you ever considered turning it into three long movies- sort of like the length of Lord of the Rings? Since EB is so long with so many characters and events it seemed as if I could do well as a longer movie broken into parts. The tea break/coffee break could even be good stopping points after the first two movies. Just an idea.

MtnDont said on Dec. 1, 2012

This story sounds amazing, even since you added a bit that wasn’t even in earthbound makes me like it twice as much, because it fits in.

Apple Kid said on Dec. 2, 2012

@ Seth Actually Mayor Pirkle would lock him up due to the Rule of Law (States no one is above the law). If Captain Strong found out Pirkle let Ness through (which may be a violation of local law) he could be thrown in along with Ness. So it actually makes perfect since for him to pretend he had nothing to do with it.

Apple Kid said on Dec. 2, 2012

Also, there are perfectly good reasons as to as why the parents are excepting of the adventure, besides going on one themselves.
Ness’s Mom: Thinks its a game (that’s reasonable, right?)
Paula’s parents: Know about her special powers and loosely believe in Ness.
Dr.Andonuts: Shows little concern for Jeff, he seems like he couldn’t care less if he killed himself
Poo’s master: Seems to know about the prophecy and aware about Poo being a “Chosen One.”
However, for Ness and Paula’s parents, you could pull so much emotion out of them. Yet, I am happy that you discarded this extremely overused ploy.

Saggy said on Dec. 2, 2012

I don’t have many complaints other than with the typos. It really makes the script lose it’s professionalism.

Dennis said on Dec. 2, 2012

Prepare yourself for the biggest comment ever.

Hey, nice script,the story is now flowing very well but if i’ll have to say some things i wish it would be changed for the sake of consistency and overall tone of the film, i would say that:

When the film starts, i would reccomend a little backstory like: ”in the year of 2010, alien conquered Earth and devastated humanity, the remaining people turned into slaves, BUZZ BUZZ, the traitor of the aliens struggles to go back in time to avoid such disaster”, something like that, and then you make a space chase scene of the Starman Jr ship chasing Buzz Buzz ship, when they arrive in the year of 2000, Jr shoots Buzz Buzz ship which causes it to fall into the atmosphere and burn to eventually look like a meteorite, then it blacks out, and show the EARTH BOUND title in a not too fancy way, i don’t like fancy titles.

When Ness Sandshop(nice surname btw) goes out to check the Meteorite, i don’t think he should say ”bye mom/tracy” if he is so ancious to see the meteorite, he wouldnt give 2 craps for his mom, in my opinion.

When Ness goes back to his house, i think you should add a scene of the Sharks breaking the shops’ windows and stealing everything, that makes the police and the people run around like crazy which makes Porky separates from Picky he runs through the crowd and slams in Ness’ home, you know, it should feel like total chaos.

You should make Ness a stuborn asshole in the begining, you know, like every 13 year old kid,and as he progesses he becomes less and less like an asshole, you know, character development! for example, when Porky begs him for help, he should act like ”Oh god, he is your brother, you find it!” and that makes Porky say ”if you refuse i’ll say something that will cut like a knife” and it results with him closing the door in his face, and his mom persuades him into helping Porky, you know, Character Development! try a coming of age story.

Porky’s father should spank them with his belt rather than a ”Nintendo Power”.

Giygas, in his not Devil Machine form should look like the Giygas from MOTHER, an alien in a globe of water, surrounded by tubes and full of horrible scars, and an deformed and all riped-off face, anything but an ”Alien overlord that has his plans foiled”

Ness’ PSI techniques should be used by his bat, you know, make the bat a sword-like figure, when he uses it, make it glow green and smoke a bit, when it hits something, it EXPLODES, or knocks off, depending on how you want someone/something to die or be knocked off.

In the Happy Happy segment, instead of having Ness walking from one place to another with no sense of what’s going on, make him arrive at the time of the sacrifice, confronting Carpainter, saving Paula, and as the 2 head outside, Porky appears, taunts Ness, and Paula asks, ”Who is that kid?” ”Porky, an asshole” Ness says. ”C’mon, i’ll explain everything to you in the way”

Now that i wrote that, i think some of the characters should swear, manly Ness,but not all the time, that would make him a totally annoying character. but he shouldn’t act like that with Paula by his side, he should act like he does alredy in your screenplay but as the film progresses, he should act less and less like an asshole and act more mature and serious about such situation.

the Mani-Mani statue should be a small Oscar with horns, it’s kinda cute and terrifying considering on what it can do.

In the Threed Hotel scene, make Ness be atracted to the Lady by natural instinct, and a pissed-off Ana follow him, but i am certain of one thing: most 13 year old boys would follow a Lady in a skimpy suit if she made an inviting gesture.

You made us think that Tony is gay right in the first line he says, make it subtle, please. and if he is not going to have any screen time, don’t put him in, i don’t think he does anything in the story, and Jeff could’ve used the Bad Key Machine to open the gate, besides, Dr. Lloyd Andonuts serves as a better motivation for going through the hell of the Starmen underground Base.

Rename the Sky Runner to Sky Walker, it keeps the reference intact and you could add in a gag similar to the Yellow Submarine one ”completely coincidental”.

i always wanted a desert scene where they just Walk through the cars in the traffic Jam only to find that the only thing that it’s keeping it from moving is a Construction Vehicle that broke, they just got out of a Diamond mine that they discovered it, and Ness steals one of the Diamonds when nobody notices, that should pay-off later (pun intended)

Porky’s scene at Monotoli went pretty fast, make some conflict! and the reason for they going to the Dept Store is Ness saying ”I need a burger, For f*ck’s sake, this is all happening like a really bad comic book, nothing makes sense”something like that, the intention is to get Ness extremely frustated, because all kinds of weird stuff is happening to him.

End of Moonside sequence: make the bartender say what the mouse usually says that they were ”walking around like they were on something”

Make Ness threaten Monotoli, like, he bursts through the office door with the Runaway 5 behind him, and holds his against the wall, but Paula makes him stop.

Summers, make it set on Brazil, i don’t care, make someone mention it, it’s the perfect oportunity to mock on Brazilian culture (i’m a Brazilian myself and i’d love to see some critique, but i guess i would have to write all of that), everything is expensive, it’s hot as hell, and there is a huge contrast between the main city and the place where people live (here called ”favela”)

Make the Cake lady offer her Magic Cake when they meet, why would they head to the Stoic club if they are going to get out of it by some ramdom lady?

You know, you should add in a referente to the Yellow Submarine film in the submarine scene, like Jeff trying to get them to sing ”All together now”

You said that one problem you’re trying to fix is motivation, well, i’ll say: Ness’ motivation is that in the begining, he uses his quest as a reason to keep away from Porky, but as he progresses, he becomes more involved with his friends, doing it mostly for them than for himself, by the time he goes to Magicant, he discovers how he once treated his friends like crap, how all the things he made was for his own needs and that really changes him, he becomes determined with defeating Giygas, which despite no conflict between the 2, Ness now is hellbent on defeating him, by the time he defeats Giygas, all is over, he becomes a more calm and gentle person, all is over and there is no reason to treat anyone like crap, you get what i’m saying?

Moving on, you should estabilish the places they are going to, you shouldn’t worry about the run-time, you should worry about the pacing, and i recomend a slower pace when they get to a new place, like in Fourside, they barely get there and they are flashmobbed by the Runaway 5.

The talking Rock shouldn’t be a Big Lipped Aligator Moment, stop everything to make Ness and the gang, mainly Po(to show some character development, he needs it)

When Ness is in Magicant, i alredy mentioned to have him witness his own doings, mainly how he treated Porky literally like crap, making him the bad kid he is now, that makes Ness realize that it’s all his fault, again, as i mentioned before, that changes him.

Well, i wouldn’t be like ”it’s on!” if i discovered that my hometown is being invaded by Starmens, he should be shocked.

Wow, you managed to fit in the MOTHER storyline very well, it works.

Add in a character development scene of Ness and company deciding to sacrifice their lives to save the Earth, you know, ”If we go there, there’s a small chance of coming back alive, you’ve been true friends, to the end, i’m sorry if i acted like a jerk, now i am sorry, and i ask you to come with me, to save our world *sticks his hand foward*” *others do the same” and then Ness turns around to Lloyd *Do it, Doc!*

Oh, and that’s a big one, the final battle.
make Giygas mute, at this point, have Porky say all his dialogue at his point of view, and point out that Giygas is now his pet, Giygas at this point is so powerful that he needs Porky to operate him, don’t make HAP fight them, let alone Giygas walk to them, i have planned a psychodelic climax that has like, 10 pages of describing of what’s going on and barely any dialogue, i’ll send a draft if you wish.

When they beat Giygas, there should be more dialogue concerning that they did great and it’s all over, have a little dialogue about how it’s all over and if they will ever meet eachother again, emotional stuff.

The Letter at the end, make Picky appear on the front door, holding a letter, informing that it was from his brother, tough he hasn’t seen him for days, Ness reads him letter and it ends with his looking at Picky with his mom and Tracy in the background worried, fade out, display super> THE END…?

WOW, that was a big f*cking list of requests, i hope you understand that i would love to work on such a project, mainly directing, but it seems life has something against me, i really hope the best for your screenplay, and i wish that you use my ”tips” to improve it so that it will be a MUCH, MUCH, MUCH better screenplay.

Dennis said on Dec. 2, 2012

Prepare yourself for the biggest comment ever.

Hey, nice script,the story is now flowing very well but if i’ll have to say some things i wish it would be changed for the sake of consistency and overall tone of the film, i would say that:

When the film starts, i would reccomend a little backstory like: ”in the year of 2010, alien conquered Earth and devastated humanity, the remaining people turned into slaves, BUZZ BUZZ, the traitor of the aliens struggles to go back in time to avoid such disaster”, something like that, and then you make a space chase scene of the Starman Jr ship chasing Buzz Buzz ship, when they arrive in the year of 2000, Jr shoots Buzz Buzz ship which causes it to fall into the atmosphere and burn to eventually look like a meteorite, then it blacks out, and show the EARTH BOUND title in a not too fancy way, i don’t like fancy titles.

When Ness Sandshop(nice surname btw) goes out to check the Meteorite, i don’t think he should say ”bye mom/tracy” if he is so ancious to see the meteorite, he wouldnt give 2 craps for his mom, in my opinion.

When Ness goes back to his house, i think you should add a scene of the Sharks breaking the shops’ windows and stealing everything, that makes the police and the people run around like crazy which makes Porky separates from Picky he runs through the crowd and slams in Ness’ home, you know, it should feel like total chaos.

You should make Ness a stuborn asshole in the begining, you know, like every 13 year old kid,and as he progesses he becomes less and less like an asshole, you know, character development! for example, when Porky begs him for help, he should act like ”Oh god, he is your brother, you find it!” and that makes Porky say ”if you refuse i’ll say something that will cut like a knife” and it results with him closing the door in his face, and his mom persuades him into helping Porky, you know, Character Development! try a coming of age story.

Porky’s father should spank them with his belt rather than a ”Nintendo Power”.

Giygas, in his not Devil Machine form should look like the Giygas from MOTHER, an alien in a globe of water, surrounded by tubes and full of horrible scars, and an deformed and all riped-off face, anything but an ”Alien overlord that has his plans foiled”

Ness’ PSI techniques should be used by his bat, you know, make the bat a sword-like figure, when he uses it, make it glow green and smoke a bit, when it hits something, it EXPLODES, or knocks off, depending on how you want someone/something to die or be knocked off.

In the Happy Happy segment, instead of having Ness walking from one place to another with no sense of what’s going on, make him arrive at the time of the sacrifice, confronting Carpainter, saving Paula, and as the 2 head outside, Porky appears, taunts Ness, and Paula asks, ”Who is that kid?” ”Porky, an asshole” Ness says. ”C’mon, i’ll explain everything to you in the way”

Now that i wrote that, i think some of the characters should swear, manly Ness,but not all the time, that would make him a totally annoying character. but he shouldn’t act like that with Paula by his side, he should act like he does alredy in your screenplay but as the film progresses, he should act less and less like an asshole and act more mature and serious about such situation.

the Mani-Mani statue should be a small Oscar with horns, it’s kinda cute and terrifying considering on what it can do.

In the Threed Hotel scene, make Ness be atracted to the Lady by natural instinct, and a pissed-off Ana follow him, but i am certain of one thing: most 13 year old boys would follow a Lady in a skimpy suit if she made an inviting gesture.

You made us think that Tony is gay right in the first line he says, make it subtle, please. and if he is not going to have any screen time, don’t put him in, i don’t think he does anything in the story, and Jeff could’ve used the Bad Key Machine to open the gate, besides, Dr. Lloyd Andonuts serves as a better motivation for going through the hell of the Starmen underground Base.

Rename the Sky Runner to Sky Walker, it keeps the reference intact and you could add in a gag similar to the Yellow Submarine one ”completely coincidental”.

i always wanted a desert scene where they just Walk through the cars in the traffic Jam only to find that the only thing that it’s keeping it from moving is a Construction Vehicle that broke, they just got out of a Diamond mine that they discovered it, and Ness steals one of the Diamonds when nobody notices, that should pay-off later (pun intended)

Porky’s scene at Monotoli went pretty fast, make some conflict! and the reason for they going to the Dept Store is Ness saying ”I need a burger, For f*ck’s sake, this is all happening like a really bad comic book, nothing makes sense”something like that, the intention is to get Ness extremely frustated, because all kinds of weird stuff is happening to him.

End of Moonside sequence: make the bartender say what the mouse usually says that they were ”walking around like they were on something”

Make Ness threaten Monotoli, like, he bursts through the office door with the Runaway 5 behind him, and holds his against the wall, but Paula makes him stop.

Summers, make it set on Brazil, i don’t care, make someone mention it, it’s the perfect oportunity to mock on Brazilian culture (i’m a Brazilian myself and i’d love to see some critique, but i guess i would have to write all of that), everything is expensive, it’s hot as hell, and there is a huge contrast between the main city and the place where people live (here called ”favela”)

Make the Cake lady offer her Magic Cake when they meet, why would they head to the Stoic club if they are going to get out of it by some ramdom lady?

You know, you should add in a referente to the Yellow Submarine film in the submarine scene, like Jeff trying to get them to sing ”All together now”

You said that one problem you’re trying to fix is motivation, well, i’ll say: Ness’ motivation is that in the begining, he uses his quest as a reason to keep away from Porky, but as he progresses, he becomes more involved with his friends, doing it mostly for them than for himself, by the time he goes to Magicant, he discovers how he once treated his friends like crap, how all the things he made was for his own needs and that really changes him, he becomes determined with defeating Giygas, which despite no conflict between the 2, Ness now is hellbent on defeating him, by the time he defeats Giygas, all is over, he becomes a more calm and gentle person, all is over and there is no reason to treat anyone like crap, you get what i’m saying?

Moving on, you should estabilish the places they are going to, you shouldn’t worry about the run-time, you should worry about the pacing, and i recomend a slower pace when they get to a new place, like in Fourside, they barely get there and they are flashmobbed by the Runaway 5.

The talking Rock shouldn’t be a Big Lipped Aligator Moment, stop everything to make Ness and the gang, mainly Po(to show some character development, he needs it)

When Ness is in Magicant, i alredy mentioned to have him witness his own doings, mainly how he treated Porky literally like crap, making him the bad kid he is now, that makes Ness realize that it’s all his fault, again, as i mentioned before, that changes him.

Well, i wouldn’t be like ”it’s on!” if i discovered that my hometown is being invaded by Starmens, he should be shocked.

Wow, you managed to fit in the MOTHER storyline very well, it works.

Add in a character development scene of Ness and company deciding to sacrifice their lives to save the Earth, you know, ”If we go there, there’s a small chance of coming back alive, you’ve been true friends, to the end, i’m sorry if i acted like a jerk, now i am sorry, and i ask you to come with me, to save our world *sticks his hand foward*” *others do the same” and then Ness turns around to Lloyd *Do it, Doc!*

Oh, and that’s a big one, the final battle.
make Giygas mute, at this point, have Porky say all his dialogue at his point of view, and point out that Giygas is now his pet, Giygas at this point is so powerful that he needs Porky to operate him, don’t make HAP fight them, let alone Giygas walk to them, i have planned a psychodelic climax that has like, 10 pages of describing of what’s going on and barely any dialogue, i’ll send a draft if you wish.

When they beat Giygas, there should be more dialogue concerning that they did great and it’s all over, have a little dialogue about how it’s all over and if they will ever meet eachother again, emotional stuff.

The Letter at the end, make Picky appear on the front door, holding a letter, informing that it was from his brother, tough he hasn’t seen him for days, Ness reads him letter and it ends with his looking at Picky with his mom and Tracy in the background worried, fade out, display super> THE END…?

WOW, that was a big f*cking list of requests, i hope you understand that i would love to work on such a project, mainly directing, but it seems life has something against me, i really hope the best for your screenplay, and i wish that you use my ”tips” to improve it so that it will be a MUCH, MUCH, MUCH better screenplay.

One last thing: keep the tile as ”EARTH BOUND” as in separate.

Chris said on Dec. 3, 2012

A lot of these criticisms are helpful (and a majority of them are picky), but some of them are pointing you down the generic road. I reiterate: the Mother series is weird. The more you get away from something unique, the more generic it becomes. This has the potential to become a lesser Harry Potter (Percy Jackson?), do you really want that?

I recommend watching movies that MIGHT be similar in tone to the game, and two that come to mind are “Brazil” and “Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World.” I know the latter gets a lot of crap, but I love both, and even if you don’t like either I think you can learn a lot from them.

Chris said on Dec. 3, 2012

Books will help in obscuring obvious structure, too. I think anything Pynchon or especially Vonnegut (seeing as he inspired Mother 3, in a way) would help tremendously.

Dennis said on Dec. 3, 2012

i heard ya, you’re going for a more surreal, humor driven tone, that’s fine, i’d like to see a more serious adaptation that takes itself seriously, i’ve seen Super 8 ,not that i think it’s a great movie, but the way the story takes itself seriously should be served as a role model, unlike SP, which is a surreal life-fiction that has tons of VG references, and Brazil, which is surreal for the sake of being arty.

Apple Kid said on Dec. 3, 2012

@Dennis That is a lot to ask for. I agree about character development, but Ness doesn’t seem like an… you get the point. He should be a generic teenager, stubborn but not to bad. A reference to yellow submarine like that could cause either copyright problems or obscured character visuals. Ness’s motivate seems extremely off, (in your perspective Dennis). Your perspective of the Montoli scene seems off as well, it just seems that you’re forgetting that Ness is a teenager, not a cop or James Bond. The movie also takes place in 199X, not 2000. Plus, if Seth made the meteoroid a ship, where would we get Zexonite? And, why would Earthbound be separate? Remember to write tips, not just what you want, even though I have expressed my dislike for the EB0 references, I, from this point on ward,

Apple Kid said on Dec. 3, 2012

Sorry, dealing with this on a tablet with weird controls. But, I was about to say I won’t bring up the EB0 situation anymore, as long as it doesn’t get in the storyline’s way. As for the Tony inclusion, the gate may be electronically locked, so Seth may have an excuse if he specifys this. There you have it, a critique for a critique.

Dennis said on Dec. 3, 2012

I got you, Apple Kid, but i think you got me wrong, sure i wrote that comment in one go and didn’t had the time to do any clean-up, but i think you got me wrong on many aspects, i wasn’t meaning to make Ness a big bully or a bastard, if that was the case, he would become a better person as the film progresses, not remain the same jackass through-out the film.
His motivation in the begining is tough, but not impossible to figure out, it could be anything, a reason for not going to school, being recognized as a hero, getting the girl in the end, anything that would work for his advantage, but as it progresses, he would become more worried about the world and his friends, after Magicant, he realizes he’s been acting like an asshole, and decides to save the world and face Giygas head-on.
Ness is an teenager with PSI powers, why wouldn’t he act like James Bond or a Cop at times concerning he is more powerful than the people he is trying to face?
i wrote this as i was reading through the screenplay, i only noticed that he changed EB0 to 1969 after i suggested that it should take place in 2000, (besides, many theories states that X stands for 10, making it take place in 2000, but many still like to think it stands for 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and 9).

Buzz Buzz traveled through time in his spaceship, the ship crashed but the ”flux capacitor(Zexonite)” was still intact in a way they could use it for the PD2.

A critique of a critique of a critique, The Boarding house can’t be that heavily guarded if it takes place in the 90’s.

i am very confident about many of my aspects, when i write a story, i don’t have in mind a humor-driven story that’s weird for the sake of humor, i write in a way to keep the person who is watching thinking and working with the film, in a way that takes itself seriously.

I don’t know why, but separate looks more…mysterious, like, ”EARTH BOUND”, as if they were bounded to Earth, and nothing can stand in between.

Apple Kid said on Dec. 3, 2012

I get your drift. I have no idea about boarding houses, let alone ones in the 90’s. When I was talking about the Bond thing I was looking through my perspective, I guess. I suppose the average 13 year old would abuse the ever so prestigious ability. I guess when it comes to character inclusion, I never liked Tony, but I figured if he cut out me and a plethora of other characters it would be nice to keep at least one other insignificant character(as for your idea of keeping it suttle, I agree, especially if this will be like the game: for kids) As for character development, I always saw Ness as a dynamic character, and what better to do that by making him change his teenage/hoodlum ways. An agreement of a critique of a critique of a critique. Wow.

Dennis said on Dec. 3, 2012

i’m glad we’ve come to an agreement, my comment was, in many ways very vague and imprecise about many of my points, but i am always glad to explain them better.
if this was on Youtube it would end in a flame war xD

oh god, you brought up something that can be controversial, the fact that if it should or shouldn’t be for kids, for me, i would like to see more movies with coming of age messages for a more teenage audience, another thing would be what medium it should be, animation for me is the way to go, but i’m not sure.

i wonder what Seth would think of all that.

Dennis said on Dec. 3, 2012

i’m glad we’ve come to an agreement, my comment was, in many ways very vague and imprecise about many of my points, but i am always glad to explain them better.
if this was on Youtube it would end in a flame war xD

oh god, you brought up something that can be controversial, the fact that if it should or shouldn’t be for kids, for me, i would like to see more movies with coming of age messages for a more teenage audience, another thing would be what medium it should be, animation for me is the way to go, but i’m not sure.

Apple Kid said on Dec. 3, 2012

@Dennis Medium is a huge deal when it comes to target crowd. If its animated some teens may deem it to kiddish, but on the other hand, if its with real people, they may say that it is “too lame” and “fanboyish” due to its special effects. I guess they both have their pros and cons. Whatever Seth does, I’m sure he would have good reasons. Heck, if Seth just wants to write a screenplay, and nothing more, I’ll take manners into my own hands.

Esper said on Dec. 4, 2012

On a different note, I’m a little bummed to not find the scene in there where Pokey talks to Ness after beating Mr. Carpainter.

As Mato showed in the orginal Japanese text, Pokey sort of asks for forgiveness and Ness just looks at him. This is a huge part of the plot, as it shows where Pokey really decides to become Ness’s rival. Furthermore, it makes Pokey being the bad guy somewhat Ness’s fault, adding possible guilt to his character. I find that very interesting.

I just feel like having that scene in the movie would do it a fair amount of good.

Dennis said on Dec. 4, 2012

i agree with Esper, Pokey’s motivation is that Ness always trated him like crap, and now there’s his chance to pay back.

Apple Kid said on Dec. 5, 2012

Ah, but you forgot, Itoi has heavily implied that Ness may be Pokey’s only friend, as he may play with him out of pity. Yet, he did leave it up to the interpretation of the player. Not to mention Pokey refers to Ned as his best friend.

Esper said on Dec. 5, 2012

Right. Well the way I see it, both are true. He doesn’t like Ness but still regards him as his only friend. I think part of Pokey’s rivalry with Ness stems from wanting to earn his respect.

Of course, you’re right that Itoi says it’s up to the player’s interpretation. I just believe this to be the most interesting way to look at their relation, and it makes sense.

Dennis said on Dec. 5, 2012

I also missed the scene where Ness sees himself as a baby after he gets the eight melodies, it’s funny because the Sanctuaries have little build-up and little pay-off, when they’re supposed to mean that Ness’ power is joining with the Earth’s, it feels very short in those spots, it’s also the opportunity for the viewer feel what the main character is feeling and somehow feel invested, regardless of what the lengh is.
btw, if i am contribuiting to everything but jokes, i made this one up while drawing Ness in magicant:

Ness founds himself in a empty field, he looks up and sees a Pink-colored Sky with shining diamonds.

Ness: Cool, i’m in the Sky with Diamonds.

And then he looks around him and founds himself in a Strawberry field with a city not too far away from him.

Ness: …Down in the Strawberry Fields

i really hope i’m helping, because it feels like i am a 13 year old kid wanting to put explosions and boobs everywhere and change somebody else’s work.

Eunacis (Seth Campbell) said on Dec. 5, 2012

I’m just sitting back and enjoying the conversation…

Also:
WHY ISN’T ANYONE TALKING ABOUT EARTHBOUND ORIGINS?!

Apple Kid said on Dec. 5, 2012

I don’t think something like that will generate much conversation, @Seth Campbell. Just for the reasons A. We’re (or I should say me) more excited for a good screenplay. B. It was only briefly mentioned, not what we consider a main topic. C. We know little about it, thus there is little to discuss.

Eunacis (Seth Campbell) said on Dec. 5, 2012

My (in progress) outline for EarthBound Origins:

ACT ONE

Camera opens in middle of nowhere near Georgia Appalachians. Image travels through woods before reaching Podunk, a small rural town. (Friday February 28 1908) The MOVIE TITLE appears to “Pride of the Prairie” as camera goes through town. PAN down to Podunk Times.

Upstairs, on top of the newspaper office is a small two bedroom apartment. In the master bedroom, GEORGE SANDHOP, 27, is sleeping in bed with his wife, MARIA SANDHOP, 26. He gets up; says goodbye to Maria and his son, JOHN SANDHOP, 8; gets dressed; and goes downstairs to the office.

In office, George opens store up. Soon after, is greeted by PHIL KIRBY, 20, his best friend and a journalist. They both get to work. They sift through mail, notes, and wire reports. George comments that the juiciest story this week is that the general store is selling phonographs. He asks Phil if he’s up for the bar, Phil says yes.

That night at a small social gathering, Maria is having tea with the other ladies of the town. She says that she mostly enjoys Podunk’s tranquility but wishes that something interesting (non-tragic) other than a town fair would happen. She says that her husband’s at the bar with his friends.

At the bar, George, Phil and others are drinking and singing “Fathom the Bowl” and “Meet me in St. Louis”. George makes a silly/ironic tribute to Podunk as the town where nothing happens and that nothing short of an act of God will ever happen.

Outside of Podunk and near the base of Mt. Itoi, out of nowhere in the sky, a barrage of light & sound erupts from the heavens. The image briefly switches to negative space.

Back at the bar, they all hear the eruption and it sobers them right up. George exits the bar and sees a man walking into town. Rushes forward and finds that it’s WILL, who had been missing for a month, with no memory of what happened.

The next day, (Saturday February 29) at The Podunk Times; George and Phil, now very sober, are working on next day’s Sunday edition. Phil is typing up story and George is writing a letter. George mails an inquiry request to a local academic. Maria comes down from upstairs. They talk; she helps them prepare the press.

Early the next morning, (Sunday March 1) as the papers are being delivered, George sees the makings of another eruption starting up in the distance. After rushing inside home and getting his Brownie Box, George snaps a few pictures of eruption.

That afternoon, George, Phil, and Maria are looking over George’s photo. They see the outline of a spaceship, but they don’t know what it is. HUGO ANDERSON enters in reply to previously sent request and shows that there’s a pattern to the eruptions.

At the Western Union wire office next door, George sends a wire telegraph to a Vitagraph Stock footage unit on a train heading west to stop and make a “pit stop” in Merrysville and come to Podunk.

The next day, (Monday March 2) George is assaulted by film cameras and a Model T Ford. He is introduced to EMIL ROBERTS, 19, the head of the Vitagraph stock footage unit. The unit has been commissioned by The Ford Motor Company to promote the vehicle. George finds the vehicle alien but alluring. George gives them the skimmy.

George, Phil, Hugo, and Emil with his crew arrive at where Hugo predicted the eruption. (Tuesday March 3) Shenanigans and ironic unintentional movie reference jokes ensure. It begins and the unit manages to film it with everyone else’s help after a brief freak out.

The next day; (Wednesday March 4) they all look over the film, being projected onto a bed sheet by Emil. Hugo asks for stills of key shots showing the spaceship and theorizes that the object isn’t from Earth. Everyone but George laughs at the notion.

Later that day, George is compiling notes from different sources about the eruption. He is deciding on which photo to use in the article when he’s interrupted by Phil. He says that it’s important. George asks what it is and Phil tells him about Hugo’s device. George drops what he’s doing and follows Phil.

At Hugo’s house, he shows off his Hertz Coherer. It’s a basic wireless radio receiver, using a horizontally vibrating dip pen on a rolling sheet of paper to display the frequency. Says he needs to be near the eruption to measure it.

The next day’s night, (Thursday March 5) before heading off to record the eruption with Hugo, Phil, and others; George and Maria leave John with George’s brother, STARK SANDHOP, 23. They say goodbye to John, George talks with Stark, and they both leave.
At valley-like pit, they prepare Coherer; unit is there to film both the use of the device and the eruption again. They get obviously artificial signal before eruption. Maria slips and falls down pit before getting back up and disappearing. George goes ape shit, jumps down, and shouts at the eruption. He also disappears.

ACT TWO

George is suddenly standing next to Maria in a transporter room. They are greeted by a member of The Gyig who gives exposition. The Gyig wish to study The Human Race, they study races through an Envoy, a Gyig who is raised by a basic parental unit of said species. George and Maria are logicked into raising an infant Gyig.

George and Maria are presented with the infant envoy: GIYGAS. He immediately acclimates to Maria and they bond as if she was his mother and he was her son. Maria begins to sing to him and Giygas stops squirming when she does to pay attention. George is presented a Space Tablet to “pen” his experience.

Many months later, Giygas has now physically matured to the equivalent of a human toddler and mentally to the equivalent of a human teenager. He begins communicating with George and Maria using George’s voice. He also begins displaying PK. George begins studying this feat.

George “pens” his studies and revelations to his tablet. During this, he says that it’s been many months. He reminisces about his time in Podunk, his friends, and his family in a heartfelt speech. He mentions the possibility of replicating Giygas’s PK abilities and caps it off with a plea for God’s pity.

George practices PK using his studies of Giygas’s abilities as a baseplate and is eventually able to move small objects across the room. His success is observed by The Gyig. They debate over what to do with him.

George begins to suspect that he isn’t safe after hearing voices in his head of The Gyig discussing what to do with him. After printing out a hard copy of everything he had committed to his tablet, he leaves a note for Maria that explains everything and hijacks the transporter for Podunk.

The Gyig explain that they can’t do anything to retrieve George without risking even more than what they would by letting him go. They decide to let him go, vowing eventual revenge.

Back at Podunk, two years have passed; (1910) George barges into his old apartment. Soon after looking through everything and discovering that someone else has moved in, he is found by Phil, (now 22) the new resident and owner of The Podunk Times. He phones Stark. Phil asks him where he had been the last two years, but George refuses to answer.

Stark (now 25) and John (now 10) arrive. George immediately stares at John in the eyes point blank to the confusion of Phil and Stark. After saying something indecipherable, he transfers PK into him and, by extension, the family.

In 1929, George, now 48 and living in his son’s basement, is visited by a now matured Giygas while lying in bed. He tells George that he is tasked with killing him. George is accepting, asks about Maria. Giygas, as a last gift, tells the truth and says that Maria loved him until the end. He promises George that it won’t hurt.

John, now 29, hears the conversation between George and Giygas from upstairs but doesn’t know what it is. He gets out of bed. After grabbing a baseball bat thinking it’s an intruder, goes downstairs, and enters the basement to find George lying in his bed dead.

John attends the reading of George’s will. He leaves everything to John and asks to be buried atop Mt. Itoi.

At George’s strange funeral; FADE TO KEN/NINTEN, 13; ANA, 13; and LLOYD, 13; standing before QUEEN MARY/Maria in Magicant, who was narrating through the entire story.

THE END

Dennis said on Dec. 5, 2012

Wow, that is great, instead of EB where there’s a lot of fixing to do, this is a really awesome backstory.
i could just imagine this being filmed in the style of Citizen Kane, in black-and-white, with angular shots.

Does that means you have a sort of Earth Bound film series in mind?

Dennis said on Dec. 5, 2012

i also forgot, are you planning to have Mary narrate constantly throughout the whole film? i wouldn’t reccomend it,
which brings me back to seeing Citizen Kane as a role model for this.
btw, you made all that up or there is some Mother encyclopedia that relates all this?

Eunacis (Seth Campbell) said on Dec. 5, 2012

@Dennis

I made it up.

Phil Kirby is yet another reference to Phil Sandhop, and a nod to Kirby, created by Hal Labs which helped with EarthBound.

Hugo Anderson is meant to be a turn of the century nerd equivelent.

Maria will only narrate at the opening and ending.

I spent so long researching this time period that I actually have blueprints for a turn of the century Coherer.

Dennis said on Dec. 5, 2012

@Eunacis (Seth Campbell)
really cool, are you planning to make like, the Origins screenplay and the Earth Bound Zero screenplay, or better yet, you could make the ending the first game’s climax, when Ken,Lloyd and Ana faces Giygas.

One thing i made up a long time ago is that they were experimenting with Humans because their race is dying because their planet exploded, and the cold of space affected their reproductive systems, and now their trying to use humans (similar in reproductive manners) to keep their species going, Giygas is the first of this kind. The Giygs injected their blood and genes into George, which made him gain PSI powers as a consequence,now if someone accidentally swallows or even inject themselves with the now ”PSI blood” instantly gain PSI powers; they gave birth to not a human child, but Giygas. and that’s because they were kidnapping a lot of adults of both genders by the time Ken was collecting the 8 melodies.

Apple Kid said on Dec. 5, 2012

@Dennis Unlikely, but everyone has their theories that are never going to be answered. That is a good thing in my opinion, leaves wiggle room. @Seth Campbell great thing Earthbound origins is. It really needs little work if any, good job.

gwalms said on Dec. 11, 2012

Any updates? :P

Eunacis (Seth Campbell) said on Dec. 11, 2012

George Sandhop: Editor-in-Chief of Podunk Times.
Flashback date: February 29, 1908
They’re preparing for next day’s Sunday Edition.
George is an Anti-Sensationalist.
Podunk Times uses a Linotype Machine & rotary press.
George wears a burgundy-red Homburg hat.
George wears a three piece suit w/ a sack coat.
George travels using a horse and buggy.
George and Maria have a son, 8, John, who is looked after by George’s brother, Stark, when missing.
George is a Roosevelt Conservative. (Proto Bull Moose)
Podunk Times is in small plaza next to Western Union.
George’s protoge is a young journalist named Phil Kirby.
George and Maria live in appartment above Podunk Times.
Phil uses #2 Folding Pocket Brownie Model B.
George and Maria are 27 and 26 respectively.
Podunk is in Kentucky.
George is marginally interested in parapsychology.
In will, George asks to be buried atop Mt. Itoi.

gwalms said on Dec. 12, 2012

I was asking about the EB Screenplay. :P

Eunacis (Seth Campbell) said on Dec. 12, 2012

It’s on hiatus, I’m working on a couple of Pilot episodes. Updates will be on my website.

gwalms said on Dec. 13, 2012

Pilot episodes? I thought it was a movie script? Or do you mean pilot episodes for something else?

Apple Kid said on Dec. 13, 2012

@gwalms he is probably going to split it in 2 or 3 parts. Just a theory though…

Apple Kid said on Feb. 1, 2013

@Seth Campbell when will draft 3 come out? The time you’re taking on this tells me it will have many improvements (or you’re busy, which I get entirely). Lookin’ forward to it.


 
 

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