An Itoi Blocked Your Way!
We already took a look at EGM’s laughable review of EarthBound, so let’s check out GamePro’s review this time, thanks to TBird!
There’s just something about mid-90s game journalism that makes me wonder if these things are written by children and then slightly fixed by an adult or something.
A few things that really stand out as facepalmy:
- Big Footprint? Seriously?
- PROTIP: Be sure to go back to the meteor to look for the bee after you take Pokey back home!
- Pump up your lifebar!
- Threet… and EGM called it Threex. Geez.
- EarthBound is just a “portover” of an 8-bit game
- Many references to “the computer”
- All the main characters look the same except for different colored hair!
- “Libraries are a good source of information. Be sure to stop by every local library.”
- Sexual innuendos abound!
- I’ll just end the list here
I dunno about you, but to me this totally reeks of “oh god I waited to the last minute to do this review I’ll just play the first part and BS my way through it like I would a report for school”. Look for yourself – every pic is from Onett. Aside from the mention of Twoson and “Threet”, there’s nothing to show that Sir Scary Larry even played past “Big Footprint”. Even then, people in Onett do mention Twoson by name, and who knows where “Threet” comes from
I’ve noticed that article writers write a certain way when it comes to the EarthBound games and haven’t REALLY played them. Between the EGM article, this article, and this MOTHER 3 article, you can almost feel the writers trying to grasp for straws to make their word count quotas and their deadlines. I don’t know if this is limited to just EarthBound, I kind of doubt it. Still, it would’ve been nice to have some well-written EarthBound reviews back then. There’s a lot more to the game than “sexual innuendos” and “what do I get to kill”.
And that ends my review of this review
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