Battery Man Plushie for Sale
In EarthBound, you can buy a house in Onett if you’re willing to pay enough money. But when you go in, you see that it’s a really crappy, rundown place. It’s so bad that it’s even missing a wall! The only good thing about the place is that there’s a magazine in one of the drawers. Here is what it says:
“My Secret Life, chapter three.” (Story from the previous chapter.)
I was neither a murder suspect, nor a target for an international spy organization. But I drove a car down the Jersey Turnpike at 80 mph….
A police officer pulled me over and asked for my driver’s license. He said I was going 20 mph over the speed limit. I instantly pointed to my wife and said “I’m in a hurry, my wife is in labor.” Fortunately, my wife actually had a big stomach. I hoped he’d let me go with this excuse.
“Oh, since it’s an emergency. I’ll lead you to the hospital with my police car,” he said.
“No, it’s not necessary.”
“Why not?” asked the officer.
“Let’s get going,” said the officer…
“No, no! We can’t! This baby is a demon child!”
This isn’t anything new, of course. But at some point, a rumor started spreading on the Internet that this story came from a book that Itoi co-authored with famous Japanese writer Haruki Murakami.
I don’t know where this rumor started, so I got a copy of said book (“Yume de Aimashou” or “Let’s Meet in Our Dreams”), and gave it a look-see. The result: the rumor is false.
While it’s true that the book is filled with tiny, strange little stories along the lines of the demon child story, the demon child story doesn’t appear in the book. So if you happen to see people talking about this rumor, now you can set the record straight.
The book is pretty interesting though. In it, the two authors go along the Japanese alphabet and choose theme words that starts with each letter, then they write stories that are anywhere from half a page to 4 pages long. It’s very good for the attention deficient. But I don’t think there have been any English translations made.
So, just for fun, here’s one of the little stories Itoi wrote in the book. The theme for this one is “jinx”. Note that these stories are all just 100% fiction, Itoi wasn’t in the running for the Nobel Prize or have a black cat or anything.
Having a black cat cross your path is nothing at all. After all, I own a black cat of my own.
But bad things do happen on days I don’t win the Nobel Prize. For instance, when I inserted a 10-yen coin to make a phone call, I didn’t get my coin back even though the line was busy.
Days in which I lose a leg in a car accident are often quite unlucky, too. One time a hot dog fell right out of a bun I was holding.
Rainy days aren’t much better, either. One time an umbrella I had just bought got completely wet.
Unlucky things often happen when I’m mugged at night, too. Why, just the other day, I forgot to throw out the trash.
Bad things happen when I go into a classroom and see beautiful girls all sitting at their desks. In some cases, I’ve been so elated that I wet my pants.
Even so, the very worst is when you lose your life. The day it happened to me was the same day they announced the winning lottery numbers.
The whole book is weird and funny. It was published in 1986, but even almost 25 years later, I don’t think it’s been translated into English. If I knew how to go about getting things like this done, I’d see about getting an official translation of this (and other interesting stuff) myself, but I don’t even know where to start.
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